Friday, December 28, 2012

It Began As Nothing.

This poem is one that I wrote last fall as a contribution to "The Scariest Thing In The Dark" EP, which is a collection of spooky stories and songs put together by my brothers and sisters and the band Insomniac Folklore. (It's been described as the most terrifying children's album ever!) The full EP can be listened to and downloaded here.

It began as Nothing
Or, rather, a pile of Nothings
That used to be Somethings

A pile of scraps

Too worn and too mismatched to be used for much
They sat, unnoticed and forgotten

'Til, one day, in a fit of inspiration,
You took the Nothings
And made them Something.

You took your thread and your needles and set to work

You created it.

You gave it a heart
You gave it two eyes
You gave it sharp teeth


Whether by accident,
Or knowingly,

You gave it life.

You sat it on a shelf
And left it to be


When you turned out the lights
Closed the door
Climbed under the covers


Monday, December 24, 2012

Happy Things.

A few things that make me happy. Just because sometimes I need to remind myself that life is beautiful. 

Going to the bank. No, really. I like going to the bank and chatting with all the tellers and filling out deposit slips the old fashioned way. It makes me feel incredibly Grown Up.

Clean clothes. They smell so nice.

Learning. Foreign languages, chemical compounds, spectra of light, black holes, outer space, giraffes, the laws of physics. I adore learning about our world and how it all works.

Making things. Cooking something delicious. Sewing my own clothes. Drawing a picture. Raising a houseplant. 

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Not Waving but Drowning

One of my favorite poems, by a woman named Stevie Smith.

Nobody heard him, the dead man,   
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought   
And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he’s dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,   
They said.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always   
(Still the dead one lay moaning)   
I was much too far out all my life   
And not waving but drowning.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Always Winter, Never Christmas

Always winter, never Christmas.
This was part of the curse that was upon the land of Narnia in The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe.
As a kid, reading this book, the only thing that crossed my mind was, “Oh, how sad, there's no presents,” and that was the end of my thinking.
The symbolism of it never really struck me until recently when I was thinking about the winter solstice.
Because what is Christmas, really?
December 25 is the day that has been celebrated for centuries as the return of the sun. It's when people first started noticing the days getting longer again. It marks the end of the darkness and all the fearful wondering, “Will we have enough to eat? Will my family be safe? Will we survive this? Will the light ever come back? Is everything going to be okay?"
Christmas means that all your waiting has paid off and the seasons are finally changing. Christmas means hope.
The Christians adopted this winter holiday, the celebration of the sun's birthday, to celebrate something even greater – the birthday of the son of God.
The Christ, the promised savior, who people had been waiting for for thousands of years. When he arrived, the whole world changed.
In The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, the arrival of Father Christmas meant that the White Witch's power was weakening and that Great Lion Aslan had returned to Narnia.
The waiting is over.
The King has come to set things right.

All Glory to God

From a collection of poems and prayers titled Interobang, by Norman Habel.

If I can't be honest with you, Lord
I can't be honest with anyone.
You are the only person I know
Who can take it
no matter what I say

People are offended if I'm honest.
They want to hear nice things
Sweet words of happiness
Gentle hymns to a gentle God
Smiling somewhere
on a red velvet throne

Well I'm sick of being phony
and I don't like to act
as if there's nothing wrong
with me
or my friends
or the world
or you

Sometimes I want to scream at you
and let it out
I have a million
Unanswered prayers
stuck in my craw

I want you to listen
when I yell at the sky
Pound my pillow
kick the ground
throw stones at the stars
slam doors
or swear at the world

Perhaps that's not giving
all glory to God
as others do
with folded hands and frozen face
but for me it means
I'm paying you
the highest respect there is.
It means I trust you with the truth-
all the truth.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Birds and Cages

Visual journal from a while back. Simple, but I really like the colors.

If you want her to stay,
give her a home.
Not a cage.

Thursday, September 20, 2012


I'm happy today. :)

After an extremely rough summer, I'm grateful (and slightly amazed) that I can say this.

Today wasn't anything exceptional. I'm just happy. 

I was sitting on my floor today listening to Run, Forever and flipping through old sketchbooks, feeling more at peace than I have in a long time.

I called my sister in another state and wished her a happy birthday.
After which, I cried for about twenty minutes because I miss her.
But it was good.

I sat and sorted through my art supplies with more excitement than I've managed to have in months.
Excitement about making art. Drawing beautiful pictures. The color pink. What magic I would be able to create if I had a pink marker!
Excitement . . . about life! Being alive!

I'm happy today.
God is good. :)

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Alive, Almost

A poem I wrote this summer. Yay, depression!

I'm alive
In some strange sense of the word
Meaning that my self-destructive tendencies haven't quite overpowered
The grace of my God

I'm sick
And have been for a while now
Choking and unable to breathe. Adding to the misery
While a small voice in my head whispers that this is just what I deserve
After all,

I'm broken
Beyond repair
A mess of plans gone wrong and a disaster waiting to happen

I'm trapped
As the things I loved and the things I wished for and dreamed of came within my grasp
And then quietly slipped away.
All the while,

I'm struggling
To put aside these thoughts
Of glittering knives and speeding cars and venomous snakes
Whispering to me of easy ends

I'm helpless
Watching the people I love cry from things I have said
and being completely unable to fix it.
Unable to make them understand

I'm trying
My hardest to remember that even in this nightmare, even when it seems that all is lost and the daylight will never come
My God is in control.

I'm repeating
To myself what I'm trying to see as true:
This will not destroy me, He has not forgotten me, and
In spite of me,
All will be well again.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Life is messy.

January 9
Him: I think I can live with that. 
Just don't be creeping on my Facebook. 
And don't break my heart! 

Her: Psh, creeping is what facebook is for! 
And I don't plan on breaking anybody's heart. 
Sometimes it just happens by accident.

Sometimes, people get hurt. And sometimes, it's my fault. 
And that sucks. 
I'm sorry.